TURNING YOUR COMPUTER OFF BY WAITING FOR A CAR TO HIT A TELEPHONE POLE

(Letting the neighborhood decide)

WHAT IT IS

A fully hands-off shutdown protocol in which you refuse to click “Shut Down” and instead wait for infrastructure to collapse on your behalf. Somewhere, eventually, a sedan makes a decision. Your computer complies.

WHAT YOU NEED

• One computer (on)
• A neighborhood with poles
• Patience
• Faith in statistically inevitable accidents

Pros

• Zero executive function required
• Transfers responsibility to the universe
• Pairs well with doomscrolling until fate intervenes
• Creates a clean break without emotional closure

Cons

• Timeline unknown
• May interrupt unsaved thoughts you were definitely going to come back to
• Forces you to confront how fragile modern life is
• Can escalate to “Why is the fridge beeping?”

PRO TIP: Communities with older infrastructure tend to decide more quickly.

DIFFICULTY LEVEL: Low (emotionally), High (logistically)

TIME COMMITMENT: Anywhere from minutes to an entire lifespan

SKILL TRANSFERABILITY: Excellent for Waiting Rooms, Bureaucracy, and Hope

COST OVER TIME: $0 (externalized)

Infrastructure-Assisted Shutdown

Historical Note

This method predates computers. It was briefly known as “going to bed.”