Loitering

WHAT IT IS

Loitering is the timeless hobby of remaining somewhere without a sufficiently satisfying explanation.

Unlike walking (destination), shopping (transaction), or waiting (pretense), loitering exists in the sacred middle space between purpose and drift. It is the analog art of simply being somewhere long enough that others begin to wonder if you should be.

Historically practiced outside convenience stores, malls, parking lots, arcades, train stations, diners, and anywhere with a ledge.

A deeply social hobby, though solo practitioners exist.

COMMON FORMS

Convenience Store Loitering — near the ice freezer, discussing nothing
Mall Loitering — migratory teen form (peak 1987–2004)
Parking Lot Loitering — standing near a vehicle but never entering it
Front Porch Loitering — regional heritage variant
Event Exit Loitering — saying goodbye for 45 additional minutes
Workplace Departure Loitering — fully off the clock, still somehow in the building
Gas Station Beverage Loitering — drink acquired, nowhere to be
Bar Threshold Loitering — outside but still socially attached to inside

WHAT YOU’LL NEED

Somewhere vaguely public
Comfortable standing posture
One friend named Kyle or equivalent
Beverage (optional but recommended)
A vague shrug
No immediate obligations

PROS

Zero equipment-intensive
Excellent for people who enjoy not going home yet
Builds observational skills
Encourages low-stakes social bonding
Burns trace calories through weight shifting
Fully analog / no charging required

CONS

Authority figures may develop curiosity
Weather-dependent
Legs eventually file a complaint
Can accidentally become smoking
May escalate into “So what do you guys do?”

PRO TIP: Walking in a small circle every 14 minutes resets suspicion.

DIFFICULTY LEVEL

2/10
Standing is the only athletic component.

TIME COMMITMENT

Unscheduled to indefinite

SKILL TRANSFERABILITY

High:

Waiting professionally
Small talk endurance
Situational awareness
Looking casual while doing nothing
Acting like you’re “just about to leave”

COST OVER TIME

Low to moderate
Free unless beverages become ceremonial.

Loitering may be one of humanity’s oldest informal hobbies.

Before doomscrolling, there was standing near things.

In the U.S., anti-loitering laws became common as broad public-order tools, though many vague loitering ordinances have been narrowed, struck down, or selectively repealed over time due to constitutional concerns and enforcement issues.

Which honestly only legitimized the hobby.

(aka: Public Idling)